


Pure Expression

by ravenscrest



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Bullying, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Dubious Consent, Gen, M/M, Manipulation, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Power Imbalance, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Trans Male Character, trans!Nathan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-05-24 01:01:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 5,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6136054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenscrest/pseuds/ravenscrest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathan Prescott backstory, mostly revolving around his relationship with Mark Jefferson before and during the events of Life is Strange. This is told from Nathan's POV.<br/>This is not Jefferscott and I do not ship them. None of this is intended to portray their relationship in a positive light.<br/>Check the notes at beginning of each chapter for warnings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Wake up. Get out of bed. White pill. Blue pill. Other white pill. Get dressed. Calm down. Go to class. Hide in the bathroom. Calm down. Go to class. See Vic. Go to class. Go back to the dorm. Calm down.

The same thing.

Every fucking day.

And then Vic starts telling me about how great of an artist her photography teacher is. He’s famous, you know? I want that. So I go, and I talk to him, and he says he can teach me after regular classes. Full schedule and all that shit. And, you know, we start talking.

He asks me to tell him about myself.

I say there’s not much to tell, that he’s probably heard it all.

He says, “No, I want to know who you really are.”

So I tell him. I tell him that I’m Nathan Prescott. My family is rich and my dad doesn’t care about me. My best friend is Victoria. I’d die for her.

He says, “Good start. Tell me more.”

And I do. I tell him I see a therapist every week and take medicine every morning. White pill, blue pill, other white pill. I tell him that I feel empty a lot and I’m always tired. I tell him I see and hear things that other people don’t.

He pauses for a while, then asks me why I want to be an artist.

I say I want my dad to really see me.

He says, “Unless you point a camera in a different direction, no matter how much you tell it to focus, its view will remain the same.”

He asks me again why I want to be an artist.

I tell him I want to feel something real.

He smiles.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: discussion of medication; manipulation  
> \--  
> The name before a text is the name that the person receiving the text has saved in their phone.

**Vic:** Nate, did you take your meds yet?  
 **Nate:** just woke up. gimme a min  
 **Vic:** Now, Nathan.  
 **Nate:** aight mom  
 **Vic:** Be nice.  
 **Nate:** ly vic ❤❤❤  
 **Vic:** Watch it, Prescott.

Shit.

Last white pill. No blue pill. No other white pill.

Shit.

**Nate:** vic im not goin to class 2day  
 **Vic:** What’s wrong?  
 **Nate:** i ran out of my meds  
 **Vic:** No refills?  
 **Nate:** thought i had more. itll b fine  
 **Vic:** Nathan, tell your dad. He’ll get you more pretty quickly.

Fuck that. Fuck my dad. He doesn’t care.

I need to figure something out.

Shit.

Maybe he’ll know what to do.

**Nathan:** do u have a class now? i need ur help.

He responds quickly, telling me to come talk to him in half an hour.

I swear it’s the longest thirty minutes of my life.

Almost exactly half an hour later, I rush into the classroom and close the door behind me. He’s sitting at his desk with a photo in his hand. He looks at me in concern.

He actually gives a shit.

He gets up and walks over to me. I guess I look like shit, because he asks me what’s wrong.

“I ran out of my meds.”

He tells me to sit down at a desk, and he sits down beside me.

“Which meds?”

“All of them. I forgot to pick up my refills. I fucked up. I can’t be off them.”

He just watches me, then nods slowly before speaking.

“When was the last time you were off of them?”

I shrug. I miss doses all the time, but always get back on it quickly. Other than that, I’ve been on them for a year and a half. I tell him that.

“So it’s been a while. Maybe even long enough for something to change.”

“I guess.”

He nods and pats my shoulder, his hand resting there for a few moments before he removes it. “Nathan, I think you should pick up your refills. But I want you to try going without them. Alright?”

“Victoria always checks to make sure I’ve taken them.”

“Flush them. Or throw them out.”

I shrug. “Are you sure that’s–”

He cuts me off.

“Nathan.”

I look at him. His eyes meet mine and hold them there.

“Do you trust me?”

I nod.

He gives me a smile that almost looks like a smirk and doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Something else is in his eyes.

“Good.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: needles; drug use; self harm (and discussion of self harm); manipulation

“Nathan.”

I’m pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of his voice. I look up at him. I haven’t seen him without his jacket before. He looks right with a camera in his hands.

“Where are you, Nathan?”

I frown.

“The Dark Room. Under the barn.”

He smiles, but it looks wrong.

“Mentally. Are you with me, or are you somewhere else?”

I shake my head. “No, I’m here. I’m with you. I’m always with you.”

“Then work with me. I just need one more shot, so you need to listen to me. Get up and stand right in front of the backdrop.”

I stand up on weak legs and do as he says.

“Now tilt your head back. Put your hands against the fabric.”

I do.

“Good, good. Just like that. Now close your eyes.”

My eyes slip closed so quickly that I wonder if they were even open to begin with.

“Beautiful.”

The flash goes off.

I open my eyes again and look around. He sets the camera down on the table and walks over to the desk. He picks something up and walks back towards me. I think he’s hiding what he took.

I sit down on the floor. He crouches beside me.

“Now, I need you to stay relaxed, okay?”

I nod.

He holds up a needle.

“What is it?”

“It’ll make you feel.”

That’s all that matters. I nod again.

He takes my arm by the wrist and rolls up my sleeve. He sighs at the sight of the red lines across my arm.

“What have I told you about doing this?”

I look at him until he meets my eyes.

“It makes me feel.”

He holds my eyes for a few moments, then looks back to my arm. He brings the needle to the inside of my elbow, and then there’s a pinch. And a rush of adrenaline.

I think he pulls my sleeve down because my arm is covered again, but I must miss it.

“How do you feel?”

I stop to think about that. I don’t know how much time passes, but he stays there, holding my gaze.

“Real.”

He smiles.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: self harm as the main topic, blood, abuse, manipulation  
> \--  
> The name before a text is the name that the person receiving the text has saved in their phone.

**J:** Meet me in 5. We need to talk.  
**Nathan:** where?  
**J:** You know where.  
**Nathan:** whats up?  
**J:** You have 3 minutes.  
**Nathan:** omw

I definitely break the speed limit on my way over, but I don’t get stopped. The police know my car and who I am.

He’s left the first door unlocked, so I just enter the passcode when I get to the second door. He’s sitting on the couch, an empty glass in his hand. I walk over and stop next to the couch. He looks calm as always.

He doesn’t look at me when he speaks.

“Roll up your sleeves.”

I pause.

“What?”

“Roll. Up. Your. Sleeves.”

I’ve heard that tone before. I do as he says.

He doesn’t look over right away. He sighs and sets the glass on the table in front of him, then stands up and turns towards me. He looks me in the eye.

“Victoria said she was worried about you.”

Fuck.

I look down, not wanting to meet his eyes anymore.

He takes one of my wrists in his hand, and then the other. He looks at my arms longer than he looks at new pictures.

“Nathan, we’ve talked about this.”

“It makes me feel.”

His grip tightens a little. I don’t know if it’s intentional or not.

“We take pictures together because it makes you feel. Or is that not enough for you?”

I shrug.

His grip tightens more. I don’t think it’s an accident.

“Do you need to feel pain to feel real?”

I don’t respond. I don’t know what the right answer is.

“Look at me.”

I look up more, but I don’t meet his eyes.

“Nathan.”

It’s that tone again. I meet his eyes.

He holds my gaze as his grip on my injured wrists tightens more.

I wince. I feel a few of the wounds reopen and blood run towards his hands.

He feels it too, and looks down. He lets go of one of my arms and looks at the blood on his hand. He spreads it across his fingers.

There’s a long pause before either of us speaks. He uses his bloody hand to grab my chin and tilt my face up to make me look at him again. I don’t remember looking away.

“Only do this when I’m with you. I’ll make sure you don’t go too deep. Okay?”

He’s looking at me like he looks at our pictures.

“Okay, Nathan?”

I hold his eyes for a few moments before I nod, and he smiles.

When he takes his hand from my face, his thumb brushes across my lips, leaving a streak of my blood.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: drugs, needles, drugging, abduction

The voices are the loudest they’ve been in a while.

Maybe it’s because I’m nervous.

The junkyard is quiet, I think. It would be without the voices.

Rachel comes into view, and I smile at her.

I’m sorry.

She walks over to me and pulls her wallet from her pocket.

“The usual, right?”

She nods.

I take a small bag out of one of my jacket pockets and hand it to her. She hands me a small wad of cash in exchange. I don’t count it; she always pays enough.

She pockets the bag. Both of my hands return to my pockets.

“Hey, Prescott?”

“Hm?”

“It’s been a while since we hung out, y’know? Can I have a hug?”

I nod and give her a small smile.

I know she’ll probably never want to come near me again after this.

I see him walking into view behind her, a needle in his hand.

Rachel steps closer to me and holds her arms out. I wrap my arms around her, and she rests her head on my shoulder.

He’s standing behind her.

Rachel starts to pull back and almost bumps into him.

She kisses me.

She jumps when the needle pierces the skin of her neck.

I’m still holding her when she goes limp.

He pulls a bag from his pocket and tucks the needle into it, then returns it to his pocket.

He smiles at me.

“Let’s go, Nathan.”

I try to swallow the lump in my throat.

This isn’t right.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: abduction, needles, drugging, death, assisted suicide

We’re alone.

She’s sitting on the floor against the backdrop, her wrists and ankles bound with duct tape.

He’s making me dose her again. She has a high tolerance.

“You have to help me, Nate, please.”

I look at her. She’s crying.

“Please. Please, I don’t want to be here.”

“I’m sorry.”

I walk over to his desk, where there’s a needle and a small bottle.

“Get me out of here!”

I look back at her over my shoulder. We make eye contact.

“Nate, please.”

“I’m sorry, Rachel.”

“Help me or kill me. Please. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want him coming back and taking pictures of me. Please, Nate.”

I freeze.

I love her.

“Help me. Or kill me.”

I fill the needle with enough for three doses.

I walk back over to her and kneel beside her on the backdrop.

“Please.”

I nod.

“I’m so sorry, Rachel.”

She shakes her head. “This isn’t you. I don’t know what’s going on, but this isn’t you.”

I look down. Is she right?

I look back up at her and hold up the needle.

“He’ll be back soon. I don’t think I can get you out.”

She nods, tears rolling down her cheeks. “It’s okay. Do it, please.”

“I love you, Rachel.”

She gives me a small smile through her tears. “I know, Nathan.”

I brush her hair aside and bring the needle to her neck. Her breath hitches when it pierces her skin, and I pet her hair.

By the time the needle is empty, her eyes flutter closed.

Her pulse is gone.

I don’t know how long I sit next to her.

Her body.

Rachel’s body.

Then there’s a hand on my shoulder and a prick in my neck, and everything fades.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: recent death, hallucinations, death wish

I wake up to a pounding in my head.

I’m laying on the couch.

He isn’t in sight.

Rachel is gone.

He walks over to the couch, not looking at me. The glass in his hand is full for once.

“… Where is she?”

He takes a sip.

“Where’s Rachel?”

He sighs and slowly sets the glass on the table.

He tells me to sit up, and I do. Something is wrong.

He sits where my legs were. There’s a silence that seems to last forever before he finally turns to me and speaks.

I see his lips move, but I don’t hear him.

“… What?”

“Rachel is dead.”

I think my heart stops.

“What happened?”

“Nathan… I need you to listen to me, okay? Look at me.”

I do. His face goes blurry, so I think I’m tearing up.

“… Don’t blame yourself.”

I freeze.

“Did I–”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Did I kill her?”

“Nathan, it’s not your fault.”

“What happened?”

“You blacked out.”

This can’t be happening.

“Don’t blame yourself.”

Rachel’s voice echoes through my head. “You have to help me, Nate, please.”

“There was too much in the needle.”

“Get me out of here!”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Help me or kill me.”

“It was a mistake.”

“Kill me.”

“Kill me.”

“Kill me.”

It takes the look on his face for me to realize I’m speaking.

“… Kill me.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: assisted self harm, razors, blood, death mention, death wish

The razor drags across my wrist.

For once, it’s not in my hand.

“We’re stopping soon.”

I nod.

I trust him.

“Why not just kill me?”

“This makes you feel.”

I sigh, then nod at him.

He sets the razor down. There’s blood on his hands.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.”

He takes my hands in his, being careful of the wounds on my arms. I stand slowly.

My legs are weak. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting on the couch.

He walks me to the sink and turns on the water.

“This is going to sting, but it’ll wash off the excess blood.”

I nod. I quickly put one arm under the water, wanting to get it over with.

He rubs my back and carefully splashes water onto the bloodiest spots.

I switch arms.

He finally deems them clean enough and holds out a towel for me to press my arms to. He holds the towel in place and walks me back to the couch.

He disappears from sight briefly. He returns with gauze and bandages.

I must space out while he bandages my arms, because the next thing I know he’s sitting beside me and my arms are neatly wrapped.

“How do you feel?”

I nearly laugh.

Rachel is dead and he wants to know how I feel.

“Dead.”

“I know that’s what you want to be. That wasn’t my question. How do you feel?”

“I don’t.”

“Nathan.”

I shrug.

“I can wait.”

I sigh and pause, trying to figure out what to say.

“I feel guilty.”

He gives me a sympathetic smile.

His eyes look empty.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: sexual content, dubious consent (due to unhealthy power balances), manipulation  
> \--  
> Nathan is a trans guy.

This wasn’t planned.

He’s on the couch, and I’m on his lap, straddling him. His hands are on my hips.

His lips are on mine.

He tastes like wine and he smells like chemicals and blood.

My hands are on his shoulders. He’s warm despite the layers of clothes between us.

One of his hands slips under the edge of my shirt, stopping at the edge of my binder and resting there.

He’s in charge, as usual.

He digs his nails into my side. I gasp against his lips, and I can feel him smile.

“Do you like that?” he asks.

I nod.

His nails scratch across my side.

My back instinctively arches, and my hips press into his. It seems he was expecting that, because his hips roll up simultaneously.

I manage to get out a quiet “fuck” between shaky breaths.

I don’t remember the last time I felt so aware.

His hand moves up my side and to my back. The thumb on his other hand slides under the waistband of my pants and stays there.

We meet eyes and then his lips are on mine again. He’s harsh when he kisses me. It’s not bad. It’s just different.

I move a hand from his shoulder to his neck, my fingers tangling in the back of his hair.

His hips press up into mine again. The hand on my hip goes to the front of my pants. He unbuttons and unzips my pants.

He hesitates as if he’s waiting for permission, but I know he’s in charge.

His hand slips into the front of my pants.

He breaks the kiss.

“Do you want me?”

I nod, nearly panting against him.

He smiles and kisses me again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: recent death, drug use/addiction, suicidal thoughts, mentions of pills/overdosing  
> \--  
> The name before a text is the name that the person receiving the text has saved in their phone.

I haven’t slept in three days.

I’ve been high for two.

Rachel’s dead.

I don’t remember what happened but I think I killed her.

He showed me pictures of us in the junkyard that I don’t remember taking.

She’s dead in them.

I look dead in them, but I think I’m just really high.

Or unconscious.

I don’t know.

I don’t know if I want to know.

I haven’t been going to class.

Vic keeps texting me. And calling me.

I haven’t been answering.

I have to buy more shit from Frank soon because I’m almost out but I don’t know if I can see him and not tell him about Rachel.

He’d kill me if he knew.

Maybe I should tell him.

I need more coke. I’m still thinking too much on weed.

I pick up my phone to text Frank and find 20 new messages and 8 voicemails. They’re all from Vic.

I don’t read or listen to any of them.

**Rott:** i gotta score. beach?  
 **F:** Hold it. Rumor has it you’re already stoned out of your mind.  
 **Rott:** idc what u heard i need 2 score  
 **F:** We’re talking. Beach works. Be there in 25.

I grab my wallet from the floor and shove it in my pocket.

I don’t remember the walk to the beach, but I must make it because then I’m there and Frank is waiting for me.

He looks as bad as I do.

We exchange cash and coke in silence.

“Have you heard from Rach?”

My stomach churns.

I shake my head.

“You go to the same school. You haven’t seen her around or anything?”

“I’ve been stoned for most of two days, Frank. I’ve been keeping to my room.”

He nods, looking around before he looks back to me.

I haven’t seen him look nervous before.

“Shit, kid, you’re stoned off your ass and now you’re looking for coke? The fuck happened to you?”

I shrug and shove my hands in my pockets.

“Seriously, Prescott. If you OD on my shit, you know the old man’s gonna hit me with one hell of a charge. You’re not going anywhere if you’re gonna off yourself with my shit.”

I can’t help but laugh. “If I wanted to OD, I’d use pills.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“Not like I’ve put thought into it.”

Frank shakes his head and puts a hand on my shoulder. I shrug it off.

“Look, kid… Ease up a bit. Sober up for a few hours and think shit through. Maybe talk to someone. I know I’m your dealer and all, but if you can’t find someone to talk to, hit me up. I like your money, so I’d like to keep you around.” He cracks a smile.

I give him a smile, but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. “Yeah. Got it.”

I leave quickly and make it back to Blackwell.

I only wait half an hour between getting back and cutting a line.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: death, addiction, hallucinations, medication, suicide ideation

My dad pulled me out of school. He told them we’re on vacation, but I think someone just told him they’re worried about me.

This is the first time I’ve been sober in a week.

I keep seeing Rachel’s body in the Dark Room.

I still don’t know what happened but I can’t shake the feeling that I had something to do with it and it’s fucking me up.

She’s dead.

I loved her.

I still love her.

I wish I could stop seeing her like that.

Dad’s pretending not to notice the withdrawal symptoms that have been kicking my ass. Or he doesn’t care.

I wouldn’t be surprised either way.

I finally answered Victoria. I told her I’m okay but I really doubt she bought it because I’ve been avoiding everyone.

I still haven’t talked to him. He won’t tell me what happened.

Everything’s really loud.

I haven’t been sleeping. When I try to sleep I just see Rachel and hear her voice.

I really think it’s my fault.

I stole medicine from the cabinet in the bathroom.

There’s a bottle of oxycodone and multiple bottles of sleeping pills in a drawer, under my clothes.

I haven’t taken any yet.

I figure if oxycodone doesn’t kill the pain, a handful of sleeping pills should.

I need Rachel’s body to stop being everywhere.

I need her voice to stop being in my head all the time.

I just need everything to stop.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: suicide attempt, suicide notes, medication, overdose

The sleeping pills are halfway gone.

The rest are in my hand.

I’m sitting on the bathroom floor with my back to the wall.

There’s an envelope with slips of paper in it pinned to the bathroom door. My dad will find it when he gets home.

I’m getting really tired and I’m scared because I want all of this to end but I don’t know what will happen when it does.

It takes me a few minutes to swallow the rest of the pills.

I don’t know how much time passes after that.

I feel my hand slide out of my lap and onto the floor, and then there’s nothing.

–

Dad -  
I’m sorry I don’t know what’s wrong with me  
I know you wanted another daughter and I’m sorry I couldn’t be that for you but that’s not me.  
I know I complain too much and need to keep more shit to myself because you don’t want to hear about all of the weird shit that happens in my head  
I’m just not very good at not rambling I guess  
We don’t get along all the time and that’s probably my fault.  
I’m sorry  
I should’ve been a better son.

Kristine -  
I don’t blame you for leaving.  
I mean of course I do because there’s no one else to blame  
But I mean I understand why you left and I don’t want you to feel bad about leaving me.  
Your happiness is important too, you know?  
Please don’t blame yourself for this either  
It probably would’ve happened anyway  
I love you.  
This isn’t your fault

Victoria -  
You’re the best thing in my life  
Please don’t hate me for leaving you.  
I was really trying I swear but I just can’t do it.  
This isn’t your fault or anyone’s but mine  
Please stay strong for me Vic I don’t want anything to happen to you  
You’re strong I know you can make it.  
I’m not strong and I think we all kind of knew I was never going to make it anyway  
I love you so much  
You’re a better person than you think you are.

Taylor and Courtney and Hayden -  
Please take care of each other and Victoria  
I know I’m not always nice to you but please please please don’t let Victoria get bad.  
You can all make it through this I promise

Rachel -  
I’m sorry  
I love you so much  
Things should’ve been so much different.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: failed suicide attempt, hallucinations  
> \--  
> I'm finally back from a hiatus that was longer than planned. I'll do my best to start updating this regularly again.

It didn't work.

I'm back at school today.

Back at Blackwell, at least. I'm not going to my classes.

Dad covered it up, so only my family and anyone I told knows.

I told Victoria.

She's really freaked out.

Everyone's talking about Rachel.

She's missing.

They don't know that she's dead.

I can't keep doing this but he said that if I do what he says then he can make the voices and the shadows stop.

Rachel shouldn't be dead.

I should be.

My phone vibrates beside my head, and I roll over to bury my face in the pillow. I know it's Victoria. She's been texting me all morning.

When my phone vibrates again, I pick up my head and grab my phone.

 **Vic:** Nathan, I'm really worried about you.  
**Vic:** I know you don't have the best relationship with your dad, but I really think you should talk to him about getting help.  
**Vic:** I don't want to lose you, Nate.  
**Vic:** Especially with Rachel missing.

I can't tell her.

The reason I want to be dead is because of Rachel disappearing.

Besides, I'm already on meds. Or I was.

Dad says that's all I need.

I've been fine without them.

I put my phone back down beside me and close my eyes.

Rachel's voice starts speaking again.

“I don't want to be here.”

Neither do I, Rachel.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: abuse, drug use, addiction  
> \--  
> Sorry, I wasn't anticipating another hiatus. I have inspiration for this again, so I'm writing more of it.

Rachel has been gone for four months.

I still can’t remember what happened.

I guess it doesn’t matter. She’s dead.

He says I need to stop dwelling on it. Think about something else, you know?

So I’ve been trying.

I’ve been seeing friends again.

Dad told me I have to come home every weekend until he deems me stable enough, or something like that.

I really hate going home.

It was okay when Kristine was there. But now she’s not. She’s not even in the country.

Dad’s really getting on my case.

I guess David Madsen keeps going to Wells, and Wells keeps going to my dad.

Wells is too smart to go to the police, even if I have been going to most of my classes high off my ass.

Dad’s real pissed about that.

He’s determined to get me sober, I guess. Or at least to get me to get high less.

Hitting me doesn’t help much, though.

“You good, Nate?”

For a second, I’m not sure what’s going on. I blink a few times and look at the boy beside me.

Right. I’m with Hayden. I take another drag from the joint in my hand.

I nod at him. He raises an eyebrow.

“You sure?”

“I’m fine. Just high.” I shrug.

He looks me over for a few seconds and then nods. I know he’s noticed the fading bruises around my eye, but he doesn’t say anything.

He’s seen worse.

“Gonna go to class today?”

I shake my head. I have other plans.

“Going for a walk. I’ll get notes from Vic. ”

He says something and pats me on the shoulder as he gets up. Then he’s gone.

It takes me a few tries to stand.

It’s a good thing the walk to the junkyard isn’t too long.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mention of hallucinations, mention of bullying

Weird shit has been happening.

Not just the usual weird shit, like seeing and hearing Rachel everywhere I go.

Possibly weirder than that.

I think I’m becoming friends with Kate Marsh.

Taylor was giving her shit for her whole abstinence thing, and I told her to shut up.

I didn’t do it to get her to give Kate a break or anything, I just got sick of hearing her parrot everything Vic says.

Kate thanked me later and said she knew there had to be more to me than how I usually act.

I know she meant it as a compliment, so I took it that way.

We’ve talked a few times since then. We even exchanged phone numbers. I was really insistent about it just being for getting notes from each other, but I don’t think she believed that.

She’s really nice.

I accidentally let shit slip about the voices, and she didn’t even call me crazy.

She told me some stuff, too.

She has two younger sisters. Her dad is a preacher, and she doesn’t get along with her mom.

She seems sad most of the time. She says she’s fine.

I don’t buy it. I always tell Vic I’m fine.

It’d probably be weird for me to say anything about it.

What I can do, though, is be nice to her. And tell Taylor to shut up, and maybe talk to Vic about cutting her some slack.

Kate’s nice. She doesn’t deserve the shit she gets.

If I can do anything to help her, I need to.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: abuse (physical and emotional)  
> \--  
> I keep having unexpected hiatuses. Sorry about that.

**J:** Five minutes.  
**Nathan:** k  
**J:** Full words, please.  
**Nathan:** yeah okay

I don’t think I’ve fucked up recently. I don’t know what he wants.

I’m probably screwed.

I get there a few minutes late. Traffic. I’m definitely screwed.

When I enter, he’s leaning against the sink in the storage room. I kept him waiting.

“You’re late.”

I look down. “There was traffic.”

“You get here anyway.”

“I know I can get away with some shit, but making other cars disappear is not included.”

He takes a few steps towards me. I instinctively turn my head to the side, still staring at the floor.

“Don’t be a smart ass. It’s not cute.”

I don’t respond. I recognize that tone too much.

Usually I hear it from my dad, though.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

Shit. I knew this was coming eventually. “I haven’t-- It’s just--”

He grabs my chin hard and forces me to look at him.

“Don’t lie. You’ve been avoiding me. Talk.”

I don’t want to. I meet his eyes anyway.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what?” He nearly closes the gap between us. “Answer the damn question.”

“I can’t.”

He just stares at me expectantly.

“I can’t… do that.”

He pauses. His expression stays blank. “This is about Rachel.”

I break eye contact. He lets go of me and turns away, walking into the studio.

I follow after him. I know he’s upset.

“I loved--”

He turns around and grabs me by the neck, shoving me into the wall.

“There’s a difference between love and lust. Even if you did love her, she didn’t love you. Get over it.”

I grab his hand, trying to make some space between his fingers and my throat. His grip tightens.

“You’re weak, Nathan. Get your shit together or you’re on your own.”

He lets go. I start coughing and lower myself to the floor, trying to regain my breath. Before I know it, he’s gone.

I can’t hold off the tears this time.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for yet another long unannounced hiatus, guys. School happened. I'm done with finals now, though, so I'm planning on putting a lot of time into this again. I'm working on chapter 18 as I'm posting this.  
> \--  
> Warnings: references to physical and emotional abuse  
> \--  
> The name before a text is the name that the person receiving the text has saved in their phone.

My neck bruised.  
  
It’s been a week, so it’s fading.  
  
Only Kate asked. I told her I got in a fight.  
  
She wanted more details, but she dropped it when I just kept shrugging in response to her questions.  
  
We’ve been hanging out a lot.  
  
People don’t talk shit about her when I’m around anymore.  
  
I just wish I could be around all the time.  
  
I haven’t missed photography class since last week. He can’t think I’m still avoiding him.  
  
As soon as I walk into the classroom, I feel his eyes on me.  
  
What happened to his whole thing about not being obvious?  
  
I don’t look at him. I head to my seat at the back, sit down, and prop my feet up on the table.  
  
I glance up long enough to see him raising an eyebrow at me.  
  
I ignore him.  
  
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out quickly, glad to have a distraction.

**Kate:** Is it safe to assume that you’re not opposed to skipping class?  
**Nathan:** yeah i just have photo whats up  
**Kate:** I need a break. Can we go somewhere?  
**Nathan:** yeah gimme like 5 seconds. meet me in the parking lot  
**Kate:** You’re a lifesaver.

The bell rings right as I put my phone into my pocket. I get up from my seat anyway.  
  
He doesn’t say anything until I’m at the door.  
  
“Class has started, Mr. Prescott.”  
  
I hesitate and turn around.  
  
“I don’t feel well.” I roll my eyes as I speak. I know he’s already mad. I’m digging my own grave.  
  
He sets his jaw, then grabs a paper from his desk and walks over to hand it to me.  
  
For once, I meet his eyes voluntarily. I take the paper from him, holding his gaze.  
  
I can’t tell what he’s thinking.  
  
“Don’t fall behind.”  
  
I doubt anyone else picks up on it, but I’ve grown accustomed to the venom in his voice.  
  
I turn around silently and start towards the exit.


End file.
